fall down. get dirty. (static_abyss) wrote,
fall down. get dirty.

thoughts about my life

This is a post about something that has been bothering me. Warnings for homophobia.

So, this is a post to vent because I can't really do it at home. I identify as asexual but biromantic, I guess. Meaning, I don't really want/understand/care about sex in a relationship or in any form really. I don't think I'd mind if it ever came down to it later on, but right now, I'd rather not. But I do like all people in an aesthetic way and I am open to relationships with both girls and guys. The problem is no one in my family really understands that. I've only told my sister and my bisexual cousin (who has only told her mom and me) and a few close friends. I asked my mom about it once, like what she'd do if I were to come out to her, and she said that she would probably cry for a few days and then get over it. She also told me that she thinks homosexuals just went down the wrong road and that it's a parents job to help their children when they lose their way. Which is complete bullshit, because homosexuality is not something you can cure. Never mind my dad who thinks homosexuality/bisexuality can't possibly exist in his family. But, they're still my parents and I love them, and that's how shit works. They can believe what they believe, and I understand it's because of the way they were raised and that there's little I can do to change them now. I don't blame them and I don't let anyone else blame them because just no. But that makes it really hard to be who I am.

There's this girl where I work who's really nice and there was this girl at college. The one at college I knew for a fact was interested, but that couldn't really go anywhere. I can't get into a relationship with a girl because it wouldn't be fair. I would have to introduce her as a friend and we'd have to sneak around when we held hands and shit. And it makes me really sad and kind of nauseous to think about how much I really wanted to and just can't. And the girl at work. Just liking her and not being able to brag about how pretty she is and stuff makes me really sad and kind of angry. Like, this shit shouldn't even be an issue, and it still fucking is and will always be an issue.

Then there's my sister who didn't even care when I told her I wanted to date both girls and guys. She said that she thinks she should have been surprised but wasn't and that she thought it was fine. AND THEN, she went on and told me that bisexuals were selfish. To her, that's not a big deal, but it means a shitload to me. She basically called me selfish for fucking being myself. She said she thinks pansexuals are jerks, and I asked her why. She said it was because that's what everyone else thinks because bisexuals and pansexuals have more boyfriends/girlfriends than heterosexuals. Which is bullshit because she's had three boyfriends and she's heterosexual and I have dated no one. Also, that girl I liked at work is straight so that was never going to work out, so I don't know where she's getting her numbers.

Basically, it's all very stupid around my house and I have to sit here and fight with them all whenever they say things against anyone who isn't heterosexual.

Tags: explanation of things, i hate this shit, me, now what do i do with my life, tw: homophobia, what is life, what the actual fuck, x has no tags, zebra because z needs a tag
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